


Moving Forward

by BedazzledDiana



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship, M/M, Matt Holt & Shiro Friendship, Matt Holt has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 17:42:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15645735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BedazzledDiana/pseuds/BedazzledDiana
Summary: With the Paladins, Rebel Fighters, and Blades on Earth, two friends have a lot to catch up on. And although Matt and Shiro have been through the ringer, the real battle begins with one, small confession.





	Moving Forward

Matt stepped out of the Rebel Ship. He was hit my a strong gust of wind that tossed around his now shoulder length hair. Looking around, Matt smiled. _It’s good to be home._ “Matt!” A familiar voice yelled. Matt turned around and his smiled widened when he saw his mother running to him with open arms.

“Mom!” Matt yelled back just as enthusiastically. He ran over to her and engulfed her in his arms. “Mom, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He cried, shoving his face into Colleen’s shoulder. Sobs came from both of them. Colleen held onto her son and Matt held on tight to his mother. When they finally gathered themselves, Colleen pulled away and rested a hand on her son’s cheek.

“Matt… You’re so big. Last time I saw you, you stood just above my shoulders.” A tear slid down Matt’s face. “You look so strong. You’re father told me what you’ve been doing.” She pulled her son down so she could hug him again. “I’m so glad you’re home.” She cried. Matt smiled and held his mother tighter has if he’d let go he’d never see her again.

Matt kissed his mom’s cheek. “I’ve missed you so much, mom.” Colleen pulled away again and wiped her tears. “Where’s dad and Pidge?” He asked, looking around the Rebel Ships. He frowned when he didn’t see any Paladins or giant metal Lions.

“The hospital. I’m sure you’re father and sister would wanna see you.” Colleen stated, grabbing Matt’s hand. _Hospital? What happened?_ He let his mother pull him through the thousands of people, Rebel Fighters, and Marmora members to the Garrison Medical Center. She led him down the corridors of the Hospital. As he passed rooms, he saw each Paladin.

Keith was first, surrounded by Krolia and Kolivan. Then Lance, he was surrounded by his family. Hunk, watching TV with his family and Shay. He was surprised when he didn’t see Allura or Shiro. Colleen pulled Matt into a room, where Pidge was sitting in bed petting Bae Bae. Sam was sitting next to her.

“Sam, Katie, look who’s back.” Pidge and Sam looked up. Sam was immediately standing off the bed and racing over to his son.

“Matt!” He exclaimed, pulling his son into a tight hug. “You’re home!” Matt smiled and hugged his dad back.

“How-when did you get here?” Pidge asked, trying to stand out of bed. Colleen grabbed her daughter’s arm when she wobbled. “I’m okay.” Sam stepped aside so Pidge could hug her brother. “You’re tall than I remember and your hair…” Pidge inspected with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, while there isn’t exactly barber shops in space so-” His voice cut off when Pidge hugged him tightly. “I’m glad you’re okay. When I heard about Voltron I… well I was scared I’d never see you again.” He admitted, hugging her tightly. Pidge smiled before Sam and Colleen pulled her away from Matt so she could sit on the bed again. “Oh, and I was wondering… have you guys seen Shiro? I didn’t see him when we were coming down here.” Matt asked. Sam and Colleen shared a look. “Mom? Dad? Where’s Shiro?” He asked again.

“You didn’t tell him?” Pidge asked, looking at her parents. Matt’s face dropped.

“Te-tell me what!? Where’s Shiro?” He yelled, fear boiling in the pit of his stomach. “Mom, dad, please, tell me where he is.” He pleaded, stepping forward. Sam raised a hand for his son to calm down.

“Matt, calm down, okay? Shiro’s alive, but… a lot’s happened in the past four years and I’ll let him tell you everything. It's really his place, not ours.” Sam pulled out a key card and handed it to Matt. “It’s how you’ll access the basement. That's where he is." Matt nodded in thanks and raced out of the room. When he was leaving he heard his father mutter ‘you should have taken him to Shiro first’. Matt raced down corridors and stairs, not bothering with elevators. When he reached the basement, he slid the key card in and walked into the room.

There stood Shiro. Grey hair, new prosthetic arm, but alive. Matt smiled and felt tears running down his face. “Shiro, I’m so glad you-” Shiro turned around and gaped at Matt. “Wh-what? You, uh, look like you’ve seen a ghost…”

“I feel like I’ve seen a ghost. I mean, I knew you were alive from Pidge and the others, but-”

“What’re you talking about, Shiro? You and I saw each other on Olkari. We worked together to save my dad, remember?”

Shiro gaped at his friend and partner. “Matt, has no one told yo-”

Matt groaned and grabbed his head. “Told me what?! I’m so sick of getting vague answers!” He yelled. Matt let go of his head and glared at Shiro.

“Matt, the Shiro you met on Olkari was a clone of me.” Matt froze. “He was controlled by the witch Haggar. He was supposed to kill the Paladins, but… thankfully, he failed.”

“Then… what happened to you?”

Matt wasn’t always the best, but if this had been five years ago, he probably won’t have noticed the way Shiro shifted, like there was a quiet secret Matt wasn’t supposed to find out.

“Well… when I fought Zarkon in the Astral Plane… I died. Zarkon killed me.” Matt took a step back and covered his mouth with his hand to silent a sob. “The Black Lion retained my essence and with the clone nearly dead, Allura was able to transfer my essence and mind into the body of my clone and I guess… my hair turned grey in the process.” Matt listened and nodded along. He felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes.

“Shiro, I’m-”

“Please, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’ve accepted the way things are and I’m fine with the way they are now, but,” Shiro turned around and looked at the wall behind him, “I just wish some things were different…” His voice trailed off and Matt stepped forward and followed Shiro’s gaze. The wall was filled with thousands of names. _People who must’ve died defendi-_ Matt froze when he found a familiar name. He stared at it in disbelief. _Adam W._

“Adam…” He muttered, looking at Shiro. “Shiro, I am so sorry.” Shiro looked at him with a sad smile.

“I’m not… If there’s one way Adam deserved to die, he deserved to die a hero, which he did. His death will never be in vain. I just wish I could’ve said goodbye first...”

Matt heard the sad tone in his friend’s voice and did the only thing he could think to do. He stepped forward and pulled Shiro into a tight embrace. Eventually, Shiro wrapped his arms around Matt. Neither of them spoke for what felt like an eternity. They just stood there, holding each other. When they did pull away, Shiro was crying. Matt wiped his tears away and hugged him again.

“Matt,” Shiro eventually croaked, Matt nodded, acknowledging his friend, “do me a favor: never leave me.”

“I made you a promise when we first met, remember, Shiro? I promised you that no matter what you did to me you’d always have to deal with me, remember?” Matt whispered in Shiro’s ear. The latter nodded.

  
Shiro pulled away and wiped his eyes. “Jeez, how old were we? We had to have been." He paused to think. "Wow, seventeen…” Matt chuckled.

“Was it really that long ago? I mean, it feels like just yesterday that we met at the Garrison.” Shiro nodded. “I think we should head home. It might be good to get some rest.” Shiro nodded again and let Matt pull him out of the room. Matt noticed Shiro pause for a second, looking back at the wall before walking again.

They walked through corridors and up stairs until they reached the main floor, where Pidge and the others were. Matt quietly opened the door and saw Sam sitting in a chair, reading a book. Colleen and Pidge were asleep in the hospital bed, Bae Bae, who must’ve woken when the door opened, in between them. Sam looked up from his book.

“I’m gonna take Shiro back to our house, okay?” Matt whispered, doing his best not to wake his mother and sister. Sam nodded and stood up. Matt handed him back his key card and Sam handed him keys. “Thanks. See you later.” Sam nodded again and Matt closed the door.

When Matt closed the door Shiro was all the way down the corridor, staring through a door. Matt walked over to him and followed his gaze to Keith, who was sleeping in between Acxa and Krolia. Kolivan was sleeping in a chair beside the bed. Matt looked at Shiro, who wore a sad smile.

“Keith doesn’t need me anymore. He’s got Krolia, Acxa, and Kolivan.”

“Come on. You know that’s not true. Keith is your little brother, he’ll always need you.” Matt reassured, pressing a hand to Shiro’s back. Shiro just shook his head and walked down the rest of the corridor. Matt looked through the glass door again before following after Shiro. The walked out of the hospital was quiet and when they reach outside, the Sun was shining. Matt looked at it and smiled. “The Sun.” He muttered. Shiro turned to him and followed his gaze. “I’ve been so busy worrying about the Galra for the past few years, I haven’t been able to take in the little things. I can now.” Shiro smiled and continued his walk, Matt not far behind. Matt was oohing and awing everything they saw. It was like they were children. By the time they reached the car, it was dark out. Matt handed the keys to Shiro, who climbed into the driver’s seat. On the way home, Matt ended up falling asleep.

He woke up when he felt someone pick him up. Startled, Matt pushed himself out of the person’s grip and pushed them into the ground. “Ouch! Matt!” Shiro yelled. Matt stood up and gaped at Shiro, who was pulling himself off the ground. “What the hell?” Matt took a step back and ripped the keys from Shiro’s grip and ran into the house. He ran into the kitchen and collapsed on the ground. His throat started getting tight and his breathing heavy. He barely heard someone enter the house. He started panicking and someone how pulled himself up and grabbed a knife when the person entered the kitchen, he threw it at them.

Luckily for them, Shiro was able to dodge the attack. Matt collapsed back on the ground and started hyperventilating. “Matt,” Shiro ran over to his friend, “hey, it’s okay. Breathe. You have to breath.” He reached out to touch Matt.

“No!” Shiro retracted his hand. “Please, don’t touch me! Please! I didn’t do anything!” Matt shoved his face into his hands. Shiro reached out again and pulled Matt into his arms.

“It’s me, Matthew. It’s Shiro. You’re not on a Galran Cruiser. You’re right here, in my arms.” Shiro reassured. He heard Matt sobbing into his hands. “Shh. It’s okay. I’m here.” It was minutes later when Matt finally calmed down. Shiro still held his friend in his arms and they both sat in silence again. “Are you okay?” He finally asked. He felt Matt nod and pulled away.

Matt stood up and dusted off his clothes. His eyes were puffy and red from crying. Matt walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, Shiro trailing behind. Matt walked down the hallway and stopped in front of his door. He slowly opened it and almost cried when he saw it was the same as when he left. Clothes strewn about on the floor, textbooks over his bed, blueprints on his desk. The only thing different was the picture frame that was laying on the ground. Matt gulped and picked it up. The frame was smashed to pieces and the picture was of Matt and his mom when he won his first engineering contest at the Garrison.

“You were so proud.” Matt jumped and looked at Shiro. “You were up against senior members and you still won. I remember Commander Iverson saying ‘I wouldn’t expect anything less from the son of Commander Holt’.” Matt nodded and looked at the picture.

“Why’s it smashed?” He asked no one. He sat it back down on his dresser where it belonged. “I-I don’t think I’m gonna fit in my clothes anymore…” Shiro looked around the room and walked over to Matt’s closet. He opened it and picked up some clothes.

“You’ll fit in mine now. Remember I used to leave some here for when I stayed the night?”

Matt giggled. “Actually, I think I remember stealing some from your drawers because I always felt so comfortable in big clothes.” Shiro handed what looked like a pajama set to Matt. “Thanks. What about you?”

“There’s still a lot in there.”

Matt nodded and walked out of his room. He walked into his bathroom and for the first time in forever, he looked in a mirror and watched his body. He removed his Rebel outfit and admired his scars. Some were pretty while others looked like they were done by a blind person with a hatchet. He looked at the scar in his face and sighed. He moved his hand up and touched, tracing his index finger against it. He looked at a scar on his stomach that went from his chest down to his pelvis. He traced his fingers down it and shuddered at the feeling. Matt picked up Shiro’s old pajamas and put them on. He reach up onto his mom’s makeup drawer and thought about covering his scar. He decided against it and left the bathroom and walked into his bedroom, where Shiro was looking at a photo. Matt recognized it and smiled. It was a photo of them the day of the launch.

“You know, it wasn’t Adam that kept me going.” Shiro spoke, sobbing a bit when he said Adam. “It was you. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved Adam, and I still do, but… you were there and he wasn’t and… maybe that’s why I clung to you. I was hurting and desperate.”

“Shiro, you don’t owe me an apology. Let’s go to bed, okay?” Weakly, Shiro nodded and put the photo in his pocket. Both of them laid on Matt’s twin bed, which five years ago they both fit perfectly together on, but now with Matt’s growth spurt and Shiro’s new arm, it was a little cramp. Nonetheless, they both ended up falling asleep.

When Matt woke up, he was sore and tired. He yawned, stretching his arms. He expected to his Shiro like he usually did every morning they woke up together before the Kerberos Mission. Instead, he hit the bed. Turning his head, Matt saw Shiro was gone and his pajamas were thrown on the ground. Matt jumped out of bed and raced downstairs, expecting Shiro to be dead on the ground, but he wasn't. He was sitting on the couch reading a book. Matt sighed in relief and walked into the living room.

“Morning.” He greeted, sitting beside Shiro.

“You’re still the same bed hog you always were.” Shiro replied, flipping a page in his book. Matt  turned his head and glared at Shiro before picking up the TV remote and throwing it at him. “Hey!” Shiro yelled, pushing it to another direction with his prosthetic arm.

“You still snore like a hog.” Matt shot back. Shiro closed his book and sat it on the table. He picked up one of the pillows and swatted Matt with it. Matt yelled and grabbed the other pillow. They both started hitting each other. What started out as a pillow war ended with Shiro tripping a falling on of Matt, both laughing.

When the laughter died down, they looked at each other before Shiro awkwardly climbed of Matt, he pulled the Italian to his feet. “Shiro, can I tell you something?” Matt asked, avoiding Shiro’s gaze.

“Of course.”

“I lied.”

“Which time?”

“When you asked if I liked you… I said I didn’t because you said you liked Adam and I didn’t wanna get in the way of you guys, so… I lied.” Shiro stared at Matt, who still avoided his gaze. “And when you and Adam broke up I wanted to tell you, but it was right before the Kerberos Mission and I didn’t want you to back out last minute, so then I thought I’d tell you when the mission was over and we were back on Earth, but then…” Matt’s voice trailed off.

“We were attacked by the Galra…” Shiro finished for him. Matt gave a weak nod. “So when you and I-on the space ship, you liked me…” He nodded again. Shiro snorted and started laughing, startling Matt. “It’s funny because,” Matt looked up and saw tears streaming down Shiro’s face, “because you know what Adam used to say? He-he-” Shiro broke into a sob. “He used to say that although I loved him,” another sob, “we-we weren’t soulmates.” Shiro brought his left arm to cover his mouth. “He said th-that m-my soulmate was you.” His voice was muffled, but Matt still heard what he said and gaped at Shiro. “But… I’m sorry, Matt, I don’t like you like that. Even though Adam thought you were my soulmate, I thought Adam was mine.” And just like that Matt felt his heart break.

Shiro was a sobbing mess and Matt felt like someone had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart. So, he said the only thing he knew he could. “It’s not your fault.” He croaked. “You love Adam, not me and I’ve always known that. Thank you for telling me the truth. I’m gonna go check on Pidge. See you later.” Matt turned around.

“I-I have to gi-give a spe-speech later tonight. Matt, pl-please don't come.” Matt froze and nodded before walking out of the house. Matt felt his entire body collapse just like the previous night. He didn’t cry. He forced himself to stand up and walk over to the garage. In there sat the same he used to drive everyday. He got in and checked the visor where is spare keys were. He started his car and drove away. Halfway to the Garrison Medical Center, Matt broke down.

“Gahh!” He screamed, hitting his wheels. Tears were streaming down his face. “Agh! I sh-should’ve kept my st-stupid mo-mouth shut.” He yelled, sobs leaving his mouth. “I knew! I knew he didn’t like me and yet-ahh!” He slammed his hands into the wheel again. Matt pulled into the parking lot, which the day before had been full of people.

Matt exited his vehicle and walked into the hospital. He wiped his eyes and looked in each room he walked by. He looked in Keith’s room, Krolia and Kolivan were gone, but him and Axca were chatting and laughing. In Lance’s room it was just him, his brother, Luis, and Veronica. Matt at least expected Hunk’s family to be in the room, but it was just Hunk and Shay. When Matt reached Pidge’s room, his chest felt heavy, and legs were numb, and his hands were cold. He opened the door and saw Pidge and their mom. “Hey.” He mumbled. Colleen looked at her son and saw a broken man.

“Matt…” She stood off the bed and raced over to her son. “Hunny, what’s wrong?” Matt shook his head and shoved his face into Matt’s shoulder.

“He-he doesn’t love me.” He sobbed. Colleen looked at Pidge who shrugged. “I should-should've kept my big mo-mouth sh-shut.” He sobbed louder. Colleen wrapped her arms around him tightly.

“Baby, who doesn’t love you?”

“Sh-Shiro.”

Pidge and Colleen shared a look, both broken expressions. Colleen wrapped her arms around Matt tighter and Pidge climbed out of bed and hugged Matt tightly. The girls stood there and hugged Matt for almost an hour until Matt past out from his sobbing. When he woke he was still in the hospital, laying in bed next to Pidge. Sam in the chair next to them, sleeping like Pidge. Matt rubbed his eyes and slowly got out of bed, careful to not wake Pidge. He sneaked out of the room and out of the hospital. He sat down on the ground and stared up at the star. _I must’ve slept for awhile…_ Matt sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“I’m sorry, Shiro. Just like when you sacrificed yourself for m in the arena, I’ve become a burden again…” Matt whispered to himself. “I just got you back and now I’m gonna lose you again…” He sighed and pulled himself off the ground. “I should contact Rolo and Nyma then wash my hair… well I should just shower in general.” He muttered, dusting his pants off. Matt turned around to walked into the hospital when he walked into someone. “I’m sorry. He apologized looking at the person.

“How could you say that?” Shiro asked. Matt stared at him. He tried to walk around the Asian, only to have Shiro block his movement with his prosthetic arm. “Matthew Holt, how dare you say you are a burden to-”

“I am!” Matt broke. “I am, Shiro! I shouldn’t have told that I love you! That I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. When you show up at the Garrison I was in love with you!” Shiro took a step back. Matt dropped his head. “Takashi Shirogane, I love you so much…”

Shiro gaped at his friend. “Matt, I shouldn’t have yelled at you today and I shouldn’t have told you not to come to my speech. I wish you were there and I was secretly hoping you’d come…”

“Yeah, sorry. I was to busy crying.”

“Matt… I think it’s my turn to say I lied.”

“What?”

“I-I don’t think Adam was my soulmate, I mean, at first I did, but after he broke up with before Kerberos, I didn’t think it anymore. My soulmate was the one person who stood by me through thick and thin. The one person I’d protect no matter what. Someone who makes me a better person… Matt, I think you’re my soulmate.” Matt gasped at Shiro. “I think… I think I love you too.” He took a few steps forward and pulled Matt so that their foreheads were pressed together. “But, Matt, I’m not ready for a relationship, yet.” He whispered.

Matt nodded. “I know.” He replied. “I know. I understand.” He pulled away and grabbed Shiro’s hands. “But when you are, you know where I’ll be.” Matt kissed Shiro’s left hand before letting the go and walking back into the hospital, Shiro’s words echoing in his head. _I think I love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna apologize for this. I have no idea what this is


End file.
